I had a bad weekend at class. Here's the rundown of it and then I'm gonna show you what a person responded back to me after I told her what had happened (she's also in the program but I thought she would've been on my side). Apparently, if your skin is brown, you're able to talk about the issue of racism without being called a "racist".
My initial message telling her what happened after she had asked why I was upset (online):
I was explaining to Arturo about what I've been doing within my class to address the issue of my kids calling out racist to their teachers and at random inanimate objects (like a composition book being sewn upside down--seriously) and the fact that they called me racist already just because I might reprimand them for something like disrupting class or something that a teacher is supposed to do in order to have good instructional time, as well as some other stuff that's been going down and he said that since I was white, blonde and tall, it's not fair that I tell them that stuff. In so many words. It really hurt me. I took it as him saying that I don't have the right to talk about race since I'm white. IN MY OWN CLASSROOM.
I'm trying to do some of the same stuff they encourage us to do all the time in our master's classes and yet he tells me I can't do this particular thing because I'm white. Fine. I'll just let my kids yell out stuff at each other (wetback, beaner, etc) because since I'm white, I don't have a right to stop them from saying hurtful things to each other. That's not what I'm going to do but that's sure how I felt after having things like that said to me from a person with a Ph.D. Anyway, that's what happened. :(
I'm extremely hurt right now and I'm going to file a complaint. I just think that's what I need to do.
Classmate response:
The kids who you reprimanded were brown or black? because that may be the reason why they call you (and the other teachers) racist. i remember a mexican girl i interviewed for a class told me that she has grown very susceptible to any sign of intentional or unintentional racism so i see why your children say that. And i suppose the fact you're white and blond makes it more difficult for your students to understand that you're not racist (Peter McLaren told us during the summer institute about the many times in his classes of critical pedagogy students of different races just stood up and shouted at him he had no right to talk about race and discrimination because he's white). i don't think arturo meant you couldn't teach because you're white but that students from different races believe you can't teach about racism because you're white (especially if they are marginalized and are rebellious about that). of course you have the right to address name calling but i suppose your students think you can't address racism because you haven't been discriminated like they have so you don't have authority to address that topic.
My response back at her:
All of my students are brown. They're high school kids who occasionally act up in class (like any kids--white, black, asian, etc). Am I not allowed to reprimand them if they're being disrespectful/misbehaving in class because I'm afraid they'll call me a racist? Doesn't seem fair. :(
What I don't understand though is that I'm trying to have an open dialogue with my students (which is what this program promotes ALL the TIME) about some issues they're facing, and then I get shot down and told that I don't have a right to do this because I'm white. I guess that means that I just need to tell my kids that I can't discuss these things with them because I'm white and don't understand hurt. I also wanted to tell him that I've made great gains (or at least I think so) in the fact that I have decreased the amount of times my kids call each other "beaner" and "wetback" because I told them that it's language of impossibility and I want language of possibility. However, I didn't get the chance. They say stuff like, "we do this because we're 'beaners' and 'wetbacks' and 'mexicans'".
Anyway, I'm not getting angry and I'm probably not going to send a letter just yet. I just didn't appreciate having my race thrown in my face (by a professor who supposedly people are to look up to) because I was trying to have a dialogue with my students. I refuse to let a "teachable moment" go by and just say, "Oh, I have nothing to say on that because I'm white."
Be mindful that the more I talk about this, the better I feel--it's therapy. This is making me feel much better and it'll probably be pretty much the last time I talk about it. Oh and by the way, I have another friend who's white but she's from Bosnia and she constantly was harassed and discriminated against in classrooms because of her accent and whatnot...Tell me she doesn't feel hurt and pain (even though she's got white skin).
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