Anger

I'm feeling extremely betrayed right now as my former colleagues are sitting in the library at CHS enjoying each other's company and celebrating the fact that the students in the school made Annual Yearly Progress (AYP) for the first time ever and I was there to help. However, not anymore. I saw some pictures of happy faces at the school in the meeting room. I cried. Sobbed. I'm angry and frustrated that the district said to my school officials, replace someone who's passionate for doing ELL work with some old, crotchety dude who will probably end up retiring anyway next year.

I'm going to miss the kids that I've already forged relationships with in the classroom. I'm going to miss the camaraderie that I had with my department head (discussing issues in the classroom, going out to Lalo's after school on occasional Fridays, going out to lunch on teacher workdays). I'm going to miss one of my best buddies, Amanda. I knew I could always go over to her room at the end of the day to laugh after a hard day's work. We'd pick up and go to her place or meet at our favorite Mexican joint, Jalapeno's. Of course, maybe being away this year could prove to be better for my waistline. ;) Anyway, it's going to be hard this year not being around people I genuinely enjoy and have created friendships with, as well as professional relationships with the kids. I'll miss being in my own room and standing outside the door during passing periods and chatting the time away with the math teacher next door, Melanie. CHS was probably the only school that I've actually spent quite a bit of time at here in Idaho and yet, felt the most welcomed out of any other schools I've been at so far.

My options for this year, aside from the FOUR (apparently) fake options I thought I had with the Boise school district? Subbing. Of course. :p I hate that lifestyle (yes, it brings in money but only if I'm able to have steady work). Phone calls at 4:45am on cold, wintry mornings. Phone calls on Sunday evenings (which are actually better to get in advance compared to the first way I described). Most of the time, I'm not even acknowledged in the faculty rooms during lunch break unless I'm at a school that I've been at several times. However, they're just superficial acknowledgments but alas, at least they know I'm there. I'm also going to sub for CHS because it will keep me in their sights, should a certain someone decide that (surprise!) they don't want to teach ELL anymore and want to retire. Those are my options so far.

I'm extremely apologetic that you had to read that posting of negativity but this has just been hitting me so hard and so personally that instead of sitting/lying on the couch being depressed for eternity, I decided I'd get it out of my brain and write it down. Thanks. :)